Poetry Week !
Have a look at this boring list poem.
In the blue dream jar you might find:
a parrot,
a butterfly,
the sea,
the sky,
a precious stone,
a gift.
How can you improve it? Maybe you could add some exciting adjectives (gargantuan, ferocious) or some powerful verbs (pounced, erupted). You could include some alliteration (the menacing monster was munching his meaty meal) or a simile (its skin was a cold as ice, it crawled like a snail).
Write your own, improved version of the poem. I can't wait to see what you come up with!
In the blue dream jar you might find:
a parrot,
a butterfly,
the sea,
the sky,
a precious stone,
a gift.
How can you improve it? Maybe you could add some exciting adjectives (gargantuan, ferocious) or some powerful verbs (pounced, erupted). You could include some alliteration (the menacing monster was munching his meaty meal) or a simile (its skin was a cold as ice, it crawled like a snail).
Write your own, improved version of the poem. I can't wait to see what you come up with!
In a dream jar you might find:a graceful parrot flying in the air,a peaceful and colourful butterfly,a sea that is swishing and is the colour of navy blue,a sky which is light blue,a precious stone glittering like gold,a gift looking as dull as the colour grey.
ReplyDeleteGreat work!
DeleteTry to use a new line for each line of the poem (after the punctuation).
In blue dream jar you might find:
ReplyDeletea colorfull rainbow parrot,
a gacefull and stuning butterly,
the shimmering and turquoise sea,
the overcast and gloomy like a cave sky,
a precious stone glittering like a sunbeam,
a spooky haloween gift.
I love 'a precious stone glittering like a sunbeam'.
DeleteWhat was overcast and gloomy, like a a cave's sky?
1.A pritty parot called poly.
ReplyDelete2.A bueatiful butterfly flew across the air.
3.The sea is very magical.
4.The sky has fantastic clouds.
5. A precious stone is very coulerful.
6.A gift is very special.
Super alliteration!
DeleteTry not to say the object is__
You could swap your sentence around to give it more impact -
5. a colourful precious stone.
Look out for your tense - is it flew or flying?
In the blue dream jar you might find:
ReplyDeleteA multicoloured parrot waving its wings.
A beautiful butterfly flyng calmly in the air.
The sea waving gently on the yellow sand.
The lovely enormous blue sky.
A precious stone shining like a Diamond.
a gift that is a robot which can talk like a human.
BY HASSAAN
Beautiful description. You even added a simile!
DeleteLook at your capital letters and punctuation. You don't need a full stop until the last line, all the rest you can use a comma after. Remember, they are not full sentences as you have used a colon to show that you are writing a list.
1)There is a magical parrot.
ReplyDelete2)There are so many pretty butterfly.
3)The sea is so so deep and there are so many fishes.
4)the sky is full of dark clouds.
5)A precious stone in the muddy woods.
6)A gift is a very nice thing you can give to your friends.
Alex
I like the imagery of a 'precious stone in the muddy woods'. It really makes the stone seem even more special.
DeleteTry rearranging the order of your words to give your image even more power -
3. millions of fishes swimming in the deep, deep sea.
A Pouncing Parrot flew through the Shining Sky as A gift popped up
ReplyDeleteinto a butterfly's eye.A Glorious Gift glowed in the sea as it floated,it looked like it was as big as a giant.
By Akshay
Great alliteration!
DeleteRemember, the poem is written in the present or future tense. Can you change you verbs to show this?
In a blue dream jar
ReplyDeleteIs a dream about parrot
Performing gymnastic's in the Olympic stadium.
In a blue jar
Is a dream of a butterfly
Dancing on the lillies.
In a blue jar
Is a poem of the sea
Big fish jumping everywhere in the sea.
In a blue jar
Is a dream about the sky
Clouds are making faces in the sky.
In a blue jar
Is a dream of the precious stone
Roller skating on thin ice.
In a blue jar
Is a dream of a gift
My room is full of presents.
Lovely imagery!You decided to change the structure of the poem. This works really well, but remember to look at your punctuation and not miss out any words (there, a).
Delete1. The colourful and beautiful parrot.
ReplyDelete2. The delacate butterfly.
3. The wavy and lashing sea.
4. A precious ; smooth and shiny stone.
5. A lovly gift.
Super ideas! You've used the power of three 'precious, smooth and shiny' !
DeleteCould you change some of your adjectives to use alliteration?
eg, a generous and gigantic gift.
A pretty parrot,flue across the tropical land a beautiful butterfly,flapped his wings in the sky the shimmering sea,made waves in the water a precious stone,blue away as fast as a cheater a gorgiouse gift,it was as shiny as a dimond. From Mahirah
ReplyDeleteSome great ideas - I would like to find them in my dreams.
DeleteTry to use a new line for each line for each new idea. the comma should go at the end of the description of each idea.
1.A parrot flew across a powery wind and rain.
ReplyDelete2.A cute gentall butterfly sat on a nice smelly flower.
3.The waves in the sea blouw and blouw in the beach.
4.A precious stone siverd like a blazing wind.
5.I gave a gift to my teacher and she was really pleased with that
SONIA
You have some lovely ideas. I really liked - 'a precious stone shivering like a blazing wind'.
DeleteMake sure you reread your poem back though to check for mistakes - I think you meant shivering.
1. 'powery' - do you mean powerful?
In my navy blue dream jar I will find a bright colored parrot swooping in the trees, a delicate flashing blue butterfly fluttering in the sky ,a charming glistening sea dazzling like the sun, the pleasing sky glittering crazily, the loved incredible rainbow stone gleaming when it had been hold, the insane gift that I got.
ReplyDeleteI love your simile - dazzling like the sun!
DeleteTry to use a colon to show that it is a list and use a new line for each new idea in the poem (after the punctuation).
In the blue dream jar you might find,
ReplyDeletea colourful [mostly blue] parrot pecking at a branch,
a delicate butterfly fluttering through the sky like a twinkling star,
the ferocious sea splattered up,
the calm sky blew a gust of wind,
a solid precious stone lay on the bumpy floor
a huge gift waiting to be unwrapped sat as still as stone.
by Naeem
Great imagery and you have begun to use similes - 'like a twinkling star' and 'as still as stone'.
DeleteDon't forget to use a colon after ' might find' to show that it is a list.
Remember, the poem is written in the present or future tense only. You have mixed some of your verbs up. Can you change them to show this?
Shreyas
ReplyDelete1. On my birthday someone gave me a special gift...
2. The tall skyscraper was so tall that it went into the bright sky.
3.The sea was so smooth because there no gigantic ships moving on
it...
4. A blue precious stone sat on the table.
5. A butterfly was so beautiful that I thorough to take a picture
in my phone.
I like that you've changed the poem from a dream jar to on your birthday.
DeleteYou don't need to number your lines as you are creating a list poem, with a new idea on each line after the introductory line at the very beginning.
In the blue dream jar you might find:
ReplyDeleteA colourful parrot flying swiftly through the forest,
A beautiful butterfly flapping his wings up and down,
A shining glamorous sea with wavy waves,
A light sky with soft and comfy clouds,
A precious lucky and shiny stone that lets you do whatever you want,
A sparkling gift that makes you pick whatever dessert you want.
Please don't forget to add your name.
DeleteI really like the ideas that you have included. My favourite is - 'a light sky with soft and comfy clouds'. You could add a simile here to compare it to your soft and comfy things at home.
eg, soft and comfy clouds as fluffy as my favourite teddy.
or
soft and comfy clouds breezing overhead like cotton wool floating in the sky.
In the big beautiful blue dream jar you might find:
ReplyDeletea colourful, feathery majestic parrot,
a delicate and dainty butterfly,
the deep dark sea with its thousands of mesmerising mermaids,
the bright cloudless sky,
a giant precious sparkly stone,
a truly magnificent gift from God.
Great adjectives! I have a really clear picture in my head of all of these wonderful items.
DeleteI love the alliteration - 'delicate and dainty'.
Could you add a simile?
A parrot is good.
ReplyDeleteA butterfly is amazing
The sea is butifull
A sky is magic
A precious stones is blue
A gift is a green
Some wonderful ideas. You have thought if some great adjectives. I really like - 'precious'.
DeleteTry rearranging the words to give your ideas more impact -
eg, a good parrot,
an amazing butterfly.
In the blue dream jar you might find:
ReplyDeleteA colorful parrot like a rainbow flying above crystal clear sea.
The water is almost transparent so you can see golden sand on the bottom.
If you are lucky enough you can spot a prehistoric butterfly inside honey-yellow color amber precious stone.
Actually I can see one: shining just for me under light blue sky. Is it a gift?
Sophie :]
Some lovely ideas. I like the idea of transparent water which allows you to see all the way down to the bottom of the sea.
DeleteMake sure you reread your sentences - if you change the order of the words, it might make your poem more dramatic.
eg, a prehistoric butterfly inside a honey-yellow coloured precious amber stone, if you are lucky enough to spot it.
A pretty parrot swaying though the trees gracefully,
ReplyDeletea beautiful butterfly gliding against the wind,
the roaring sea making waves as huge as a house,
the sapphire blue sky dragging the fluffy clouds,
a precious stone sitting sedentary remaining as still as stone,
a gorgeous gift with silky blue ribbons.
A wonderful poem.
DeleteYou have tried to include alliteration and similes.
Remember when comparing items using a simile, you need to use two different items -
a precious stone sitting sedentary remaining as still as stone,
I love this line, but can you thing of something else that is still, as you are comparing a stone to a stone here.
A colourful parrot swooping through the trees,
ReplyDeleteA beautiful and delicate butterfly hiding for safety,
The very tough and dangerous sea waves jumping into the buildings,
The blue sky touching space,
A precious stone collection which was 80 years old,
An amazing gift to save the day.
In the blue dream jar you might find:
ReplyDeleteAn elegant, gorgeous parrot swooping through the tropical trees,
A crimson butterfly gently fluttering through the sapphire blue sky,
the soothing sea dances over the gargantuan boulders,
the wide sky engulfed with fluffy ,white marshmallow clouds,
a precious, fragile stone that will destroy any living things surrounding it ,
a wonderful gift for you!
-Amelia